Wednesday, November 25, 2015

4 minutes

confessions of a squash court manager
Episode 22
4 minutes

I was having a hit later today, and as I had been having a bit of calf trouble I dropped into the local chemist warehouse to purchase a pressure bandage...How hard could it be?
The doors opened at the local Chemist Warehouse at 8.30 am, I walked through the doors at 8.32, first customer of the day....where's my early morning discount?
They had no calf bandages but I thought a knee one would do the job, the only size was large, must be like condoms..one size fits all.
I went to the check out and was greeted by a slightly dim looking elderly Italian woman, full of good cheer and happiness, NOT.
"G'day love just  these thanks". I said, handing over the bandage and some hair wax; to keep the silver locks looking their best! " How much is the Polo Ralph after shave?" I asked.
" $29 for the small, $69 for the large," grunted dimmy.

I paid for my stuff and left the store. Just outside I sat on a chair in the food hall opposite and tried the bandage on for size, Just in case. Shit it was to big. I had thrown the receipt in a very large, very deep bin in the food hall, but as I had just purchased it and had the bag, how wrong could I go?

I walked back into the store and as dimmy was busy I went to one of the assistants,
"Hi, I just purchased this bandage and it's too big, I would like to swap it for one of the elbow braces please." I asked in my most pleasant manner.
"Do you have the receipt?" she asked
"No I threw it in the bin,out there," I said, pointing out to the food hall.
"I'm sorry, but we do need the receipt to ensure that you actually did buy it from here." she said, sounding rather smug.
"Hang on, its in the original box, in a chemist warehouse bag, and it was only 4 fucking minutes ago. Lets check with the old Italian duck on the check out who served me, she'll remember me for sure."
I was getting annoyed.

We went over to dimmy, and the assistant asked, "Hey Marilyn do you remember selling this bandage and wax to this guy earlier this morning?"
Dimmy looked at me then at the 2 products.
"No I don't recall selling those or him" she said.
"What are you talking about, I bought them four bloody minutes ago, AND I asked you the price of the Polo aftershave, $29 for the small, $69 for the large, you told me." I was about to blow my stack!
"I'm sorry sir, I don't remember serving you."
"OK, wheres the camera, this must be a joke or a funniest home videos set up, surely, no one could be that bloody dopey." I asked. No reaction, this was real.
"This is crazy, I literally bought it  4 fucking minutes ago, what are you a gold fish?" Now I was really pissed!
"Where's the manager." I asked....yes, I pulled the old, wheres the manage card... I had to!
The assistant raced to the safety of the back office, returning several minutes later looking very relieved."We have checked the sales for the morning and found the record of your purchase,you may swap it over." she said, in a thank god lets get this fucker out of here tone
Great they were able to trawl through all 5 transactions to find mine...well done.

Good squashing
squash godfather

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