Monday, May 18, 2015

shut up

confessions of a squash court manager
episode 15
                                                                            shut up
 This little event happened to the squashgodfather during the twilight years of his illustrious playing career. I was playing in A reserve, one grade down from the big dicks in A grade.
After 30 odd years of playing and reffing I was pretty case hardened and not prepared to take any shit, on or off the court.
It was a typical cold winters night at the Kings Park squash club. I had played my match, thoroughly kicked my opponents arse in 3 and was now reffing the next match of the night. Things were trotting along quite peacefully until the Kings Park player asks for a let. "No let" I said. The player carried on, obviously in agreement with my decision, tough shit if he didn't..
Suddenly a muffled "that's shit" came  from the old joker standing to my right, who was obviously there to watch his Kings Park mates get their arses whipped by the Corleone boys. I let it slide....but it was mentally noted.
"Let please" came another plea from the Kings Park guy.
"Yes let" I said. Once again comes a muffled "bloody hell" from the same old prick.

This went on for some time, him bitching under his breath about every one of my decisions.
"Let please" the kings Park player asks...again.
"No Let, I don't believe you would have got it." I said with an air of importance.
"Shit, that's a terrible decision." said the  muffled spectator. I snapped, I had had enough!
"Stop" I shouted at the 2 players, 'We have a change of ref , this dickhead standing next to me is obviously an expert, hes in I'm out." I said stepping back away from the hand rail. 
The old guy had a look of terror on his face, and he was desperately trying to speak, "Argh sorry,please I cant" he spluttered.
"Are you going to keep your trap shut? and let me make the decisions." I asked. He was nodding his head so hard I thought it might fall off. 
There was not another peep from the old prick all night , and I really tested him with a few dodgey decisions to really piss him off....I'm evil!

Good squashing

Sunday, May 3, 2015

good catch

confessions of a squash court manager
episode 14
good catch

This episode happened several years ago when the squashgodfather was a slightly leaner meaner fighting machine than he is today.
I was busy getting the Corleone squash center into its usual tip top condition for the day ahead, when I heard the bell go off signalling that some one had come in. I was just finishing up mopping the showers, so yelled out "I will be there in 2 secs" I finished the showers, put the mop in the bucket and headed out to the reception.
To my shock I saw some bastard running across the carpark carrying my cash register. Mine, the squashgodfathers . What an arsehole!!
 I immediately burst into action, without concern for life and limb and took off out the door and across the carpark after him. With amazing speed I caught up with him down  the far corner of the carpark, he had a look of sheer terror in his eyes, for he new he was trapped by the squashgodfather!
Suddenly the trapped animal spun around and as if tossing a medicine ball,  threw the bloody register at me. 
I had a split second to make a decision; the mega brain started to crunch the numbers:
1. catch the cash register and let the prick get away, or 
2. don't catch it and grab him....expensive!.

My inner tight arse kicked in and I caught the cash register. Great catch I might add, as the bloody thing weighed a ton!

good squashing